User blog comment:Democritos/I need feedback/@comment-28857181-20160302073207

I loved the first episode so far. I did pick up a few minor grammar mistakes but it's just beautiful writing so far. All I can say for now is description. I know this is the first episode and the gem has yet to open their eyes, if they do at all, but we can probably work a little more than just being in the dark and being cold. One way to enhance your writing is to use charged words. I mean, that's all I can really think of right now is, like, describing with charged words (terrified instead of scared is one case).

To help your writing : what does this feel like; does it have a sound; what are the emotions running through the character; how can we make the reader feel what the character feels?

I think that's all for now, I'll edit my comment if I think of anything else.