Voyage of Greg/Transcript

(The episode starts with Greg and Steven watching the stars.)

Steven: Hey, Dad?

Greg: Yeah?

Steven: Ever sense you've been with mom over a few years ago before she gave up her physical form to make me, I think it's time to start dating again.

Greg: I guess it has been a while.

Steven: Don't worry, Dad. I'll get you the best person I'll find. It might be tricky. But, let's give it a shot.

(Cut to the Crab Shack. Greg's wearing a collared shirt and a tie.)

Greg: How do I look?

Steven: You look great. (He pulls out binoculars and sees the date.) Sorry, Dad. That's my cue.

(He runs off.)

Greg: See you back!

(Later...)

Greg: I used to be a rockstar, now I work at a car wash. (pause) Umm... Wonderful weather we're having.

(The date is Barb.)

Barbara: Oh, no, it's terrible. The weatherman said a storm's coming.

Greg: (pause) Check, please.

(Cut to the Beach House. It's raining outside. Inside Greg's on the couch and Steven's standing there.)

Greg: She was like, fifty years old.

Steven: I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't know she was that old.

Greg: No need to blame yourself. I guess you weren't good finding the right girl... for me. No offense.

Steven: None taken.

Garnet: What are you both doing?

Steven: We...

Garnet: You're trying to get your dad to start dating again. I already figured it out.

Amethyst: Ahh! You're getting him back in the saddle.

Steven: "Back in the saddle"?

Greg: "Back in the saddle"?

Amethyst: Don't ask me. I don't even know what it means. I just know the term.

Garnet: I'll tell you about it later. We can help you.

Steven: Thanks, guys.

(The next day, Pearl walks around the town. She sees the mayor doing a speech.)

Mayor Dewey: Before we begin... (He sees Pearl seeing the presentation.) ...I'll be right back. (He gets off the stage and walks up to Pearl.) Be interested in seeing what's under the tarp, good ma'am.

Pearl: no, no, I haven't came here to see this. Good day.

Mayor Dewey: Please, good woman. you might find it interesting.

Pearl: (thinking) I don't know what to say to him. If I say "no", I might feel bad for him. "Yes", he'll get me into thing. (Out of thought) Sure.

Mayor Dewey: Guards.

(The guards get a chair, pick up Pearl and place her on her seat.)

Pearl: Uh... thank you?

Mayor Dewey: You're welcome. Enjoy the show.

(Meanwhile, with the others...)

Garnet: OK, I've made a list of every woman that might be at your age. Let's get started.

(Montage starts. Greg second date is with a woman with light brown hair. Later, he returns and shakes his head. Garnet writes an X on the photo. The third date he's on is with a woman with light orange hair. Again, failed. Garnet writes another X. Several other dates backfire. Every single date is X-ed.)

Garnet: How about we try again?

Greg: No thank you. I'm going for a walk.

(He gets up off the chair and walks out the door.)

Amethyst: What about that chick?

Garnet: I don't remember putting that there.

(Both of them gasp as they look at the last picture.)

Amethyst & Garnet: Of course!

Amethyst: We should tell Greg!

Garnet: No! We should let him figure it out.

(Meanwhile, at the presentation...)

Mayor Dewey: Thank you very much for the statue of all of the late William Dewey.

Pearl: Well, time to go.

Mayor Dewey: Oh, I'll give you a lift.

(A limousine shows up.)

Pearl: A limo? I was gonna walk home, but it's nice to get assistance. (Thinking) What is wrong with me today?

(Meanwhile, Greg walks up the hill to the lighthouse. He lays down on the ground and sees the stars. He pulls out his guitar.)

Greg: ''♪ It has been a while since I've been with a love. Though, looking for another is tough.''

(He stands up.)

Greg: ♪ Can't all be easy... but, I have to... ♪ Whoa!

(He slips and falls. He lands on the sandy ground and lies flat. The limo arrives at the house. Inside the limo, the mayor and Pearl laugh.)

Pearl: OK, I got one. I got...

(The limo hits something.)

Pearl: Oh, my!

Mayor Dewey: Stop the limo!

(Both of them get out and see Greg.)

Greg: ''(dreaming) Oh, boy. What happened?''

Pearl: Oh, thank goodness. He's alright. (to the driver) Sir, you really have to watch where you drive.

Limo Driver: Sorry, ma'am. (to the mayor) Sir, it's time for your meeting.

Pearl: Thanks for the lift. But, tell your driver to keep the headlights on.

Mayor Dewey: Yes, ma'am.

(He grabs her arm and tries to kiss her hand. But, Pearl lets go.)

Pearl: Wait a minute. What are you doing...? You...you...y... you we're trying to come onto me, we're you?

Mayor Dewey: No, no, no! That's... OK, maybe a little.

Pearl: How dare you... you sick man?

Mayor Dewey: Hey! I was being a nice guy, OK?

Pearl: You know what I think? Guys do anything to "woo" a girl. But, not me. As Garnet says..

Amethyst: Love at first sight doesn't exist.

Garnet: I told her before you.

Pearl: Didn't see that coming. (to the mayor) What to you have to say for yourself?

Mayor Dewey: Well... (pause) Kiss me!

(He tries to kiss her on the lips. But, she restrains. She pulls out a fist and punches him in the face. Knocking him down to the ground.)

Pearl: Mayor Dewey, I bid you goodnight. And you leave me alone.

Mayor Dewey: Yes, ma'am.

(He gets in the limo. The driver drives off.)

Amethyst: Whoa...

Garnet: Dude.

Amethyst: Hey.

Garnet: I didn't know you had those harsh words.

Pearl: Yeah.

(Both of them walk back inside. Pearl looks at Greg on the ground. She groans in disgust and walks inside. Greg's still out cold. A dream he has begins.)

Greg: Whoa! Where am I?

(He's in a place full of nothing, but, whiteness for miles.)

Greg: (echoing) Hello? (pause) Hello?! Why am I here?!

Conscience: I believe I know why you're here.

Greg: Why? Wait. Are you my conscience?

Conscience: ''Yes. And the reason I know. Because, you have to keep finding the certain someone to be with. Who's been with you... and never been OK with you.''

Greg: OK, conscience. I will.

Conscience: Good.

(A pipe hits him on the head and he faints. Cut to black. Greg wakes up and picks up the object that hit him. it's a golf club.)

Greg Huh? Golf club?

Garnet: I'm sorry, Greg. Me and Amethyst we're playing golf and I lost my grip. Thank you.

(Garnet picks up her club and walks back to the golf course.)

Greg: Wherever that "certain someone" is, she's not here.

(At nighttime, Greg walks up to the pier. He sits down.)

Greg: I give up. The certain someone isn't anywhere. How...

(Cut to Pearl walking.)

Pearl: ...hard could it be for him to...

(Cut to Greg.)

Greg: ...find the right...

Greg/Pearl: girl?

(Pearl walks passed the pier.)

Greg: How hard can it be to find the girl who's been with me and never been OK with me?

Pearl: Yeah! Tha... (pause) Never been OK with him?

Greg: Whoever... Pearl?

Pearl: Greg?

Greg: Are you...

Pearl: The person who's been friends with you and never been OK with you? Yes!

(Both of them run to each other. Once they make it, they kiss mouth to mouth and romantic music plays in the background.)

Greg: Oh, man, why did I do that?

Pearl: Greg, it's OK. Rose is gone. I'm sure she won't mind.

(Later, they sit on the Temple's hand having coffee.)

Greg: I sure am gonna miss her so.

Pearl: Me too. She sure was a good lady.

Greg: By the way, what happened with you?

Pearl: The mayor tried to kiss me, but, I gave him a taste of his own medicine.

Greg: Wow. I guess you don't know him that much.

Pearl: Defiantly not.

Greg: So... could we keep this a secret?

Pearl: Your secret's safe with me.

(Cut to black.)

Greg: Thanks.

(The episode ends.)