Talk:Pilot (Crystal Chronicles)/@comment-31394942-20190309215207

Did someone say feedback?

I don't really have that much feedback to give you, since this is pretty well written as is. The setting is pretty well-established, and the characters are written nicely. I noticed that you crammed a lot of exposition into one section, which tends to make the information harder to understand, but it's not that much of a problem  and it's a mistake I made too.

If there's anything I think could be done better, I'd suggest that you cut down on a few unnecessary descriptions here and there. For example. having Sunstone sarcastically point at space rocks is funny and definitely helps establish his character, but specifying that he was 'implying he meant a specific one out of the group' doesn't really do anything but dilute the joke. I'm pretty sure most people will be able to figure out what he's implying.

Seriously, though, great job. I know it's a little late for me to be posting this, but whatever.